Write Wednesday: What to Leave Out

Welcome back to Write Wednesday!

I've been thinking about some specific writing advice lately as I prepare to edit my NaNoWriMo from last fall.  Have you ever heard the phrase, "Show, don't tell"?  I find it frustrating.

First of all, what precisely does it mean?  Does it mean to *only* show and *never* tell?  Show what?  Tell what?

This phrase became clearer to me while reading the Chaos Walking trilogy (...I might not ever shut up about this series...it is that great).  In it, the characters don't "smile fondly" or "laugh cheerily" or "yell angrily".  (Don't pepper your manuscripts with adverbs.  Please.  As a reader, I find it irritating.)  Although I'm guilty of including "-ly" words too much, as well.  How else are you supposed to let the reader know what's going on?

In The Chaos Walking Trilogy, Patrick Ness doesn't take time to explain every detail of the characters' feelings.  He brings the readers' imaginations into the story and they create a picture themselves, which I think is brilliant.

Todd may yell, and depending on the dialogue that's happened before, we know whether it's from surprise or anger.  Being able to write without putting in every excruciating detail about the character's facial expressions or by-the-second emotion is freeing.  It allows you to concentrate on the action and dialogue, which will help the reader imagine what is going on for themselves.  It's more intimate, in a way.

I think every time you include a "she smiled cheerfully" the reader stops and has to imagine that detail before going on, and it's going to get tedious.  They might even put the book down if she smiles cheerfully too much (I almost did that with a book once).

So, instead of saying "he reacted angrily," show what he did.  How did he react?  Did he punch someone?  Did he throw a bottle that shattered on the wall?  Did he sock someone in the nose?  Did he tackle the person who pushed him to react?  If we set up the scene by having two characters engage in a bit of dialogue, the later action will make sense.   Readers aren't dumb.  We can grasp more than you think we can.  We can track with you, even when you don't include a description that lets us know the character is frowning petulantly.

 Another thought: I think a person who writes too many -ly words is trying to control the story.  Every tiny little detail.  Nothing is left up to the reader's imagination, and when that happens, stories die.  Stories are fluid, they mean different things to different people, and no matter how hard you try to make sure nothing is left to chance...in the end, stories are meant to live on their own.  They become real, living things that impact people for hundreds of years (hopefully).  Sometimes we control it without meaning to or realizing it, and sometimes people are just control freaks (but those stories sometimes break down and rust because the author has created a mechanical thing, not a living one).

I think more authors are the "use-adverbs-without-realizing-it" types, but there is probably someone who stresses about the possibility that we won't know their character is feeling a certain way if they don't include an adverb.

What have I gathered from all of this?  To not worry so much about communicating the precise, minute-by-minute details of human emotion or expression.  Instead, concentrate on building strong dialogue (leading to action) and realistic, convincing action (based on the dialogue you just wrote).  Although occasionally, the use of an adverb is permissible.  J.K. Rowling uses them but sparingly enough that we don't really notice.

I hope this was helpful, and I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter!  What does "Show, don't tell" mean to you?  Have you incorporated this advice into your own work?

See you on Friday for First Lines.  Keep reading!

The Chaos Walking Trilogy by Patrick Ness

I finished reading the Chaos Walking trilogy today.  I kept putting the book down after only a chapter or two the last few weeks and then it occurred to me why I wasn't finishing it up as quickly as the other ones.  I didn't want to say goodbye.

This series has opened my eyes to the possibilities of science fiction -- most older sci-fi is dry, dusty, high ideals and ideas with little personal investment.

The Chaos Walking trilogy, while full of ideas, is also filled to the brim with personal investment.

For starters, it is told in first person with two (then three) POV's.  The emotional investment is heightened because we are *in* the characters' heads instead of watching from the outside.  Everything that happens to them gets experienced by you second hand, instead of from a distance.  It's real.  Personal.  Intimate.

Next, the book speaks to several issues we deal with today -- overload of information, terrorism, racism/sexism, and the horrors of war.  All of this is wrapped up in a story about a boy and girl who find each other and will do anything to protect the other.

Yes -- amidst all the horror in this story, the deepest part of the story is love -- romantic, paternal/maternal, friendship, etc.  Everything links back to what we'll do for the ones we love and how strong their love makes us.

I don't know that I can properly sort out for you everything I think is wonderful about these books.  I'm not quite distanced enough yet to see the entire story (I'm still crying about the penultimate chapter) but I'll give it a shot.

One thing I really, really appreciate is the character of Todd Hewitt.  The story focuses on Todd and the difference between him and the Mayor.  The difference between a good man and a man.  The choices Todd makes, the mistakes he regrets making...he regrets, he tries to do better.  Only a good man learns from his mistakes and calls them by that name.  He strives to do better.  He is redeemable.

I also appreciate the main female character, Viola.  She's strong, independent, and willing to risk everything for the man she loves.  And then realizes what happens when you make war personal.  She is brought to a world where people are living apart, in fear, and as the world crumbles around her, she grits her teeth and does what she can to prevent the entire world from falling into chaos.

They suffer through so much, together and apart.  They're always there for each other, even if they're separated by distance.  They struggle together to come to terms with the changes of the world around them and to find their places in it.  They're heroic without trying to be, fully aware of their brokenness.

Another thing I really appreciated was that through all of the horror of the series (terrorist attacks, enslavement, betrayal, beloved characters' deaths, civil war, etc.), the ending concludes with hope.  The hope that we can do better, the hope that peace is still attainable, even after everything that's happened.  Oftentimes if you're reading a war story, the hopelessness drags you down into the muck and there's no escape.  Fortunately, Chaos Walking ends with a hopeful message about the strength it takes to find peace, to forgive and work together for a better life.  Hope for the future.

It's such a thrilling, terrifying, electrifying ride to see the characters change and be changed, make choices, choices they have to make to survive...I wonder if we would have done any better?

What I think this series really boils down to is the choices we make and the reasons behind them.

“That's the thing I'm learning about being thrown out on yer own. Nobody does nothing for you. If you don't change it, it don't get changed.” -- The Knife of Never Letting Go  

“We are the choices we make. And have to make. We aren’t anything else.”  -- The Ask and the Answer

“Choices may be unbelievably hard but they're never impossible. To say you have no choice is to release yourself from responsibility and that's not how a person with integrity acts.” -- Monsters of Men


I'm really sad to see the end of this story...my only consolation is that my library has a standalone novel by Patrick Ness that I'm going to read next weekend.

What are your thoughts on the Chaos Walking Trilogy?  I'd love to hear them.